Resistance is a good thing
How to move a cow?
I never had to move a cow, but I know my grand parents and parents did. And I can imagine the resistance involved in moving a cow.
We all experience resistance in our lives. Did you know that resistance can be a good thing? Today, a peer reminded me of the challenge of getting something done when facing our own resistance. Yes, sometimes we are the cow. Many of us might call that cow, Procrastination with a big letter "P". Or maybe we experience resistance as that small voice in our head that's afraid of things that seem big.
In hypnotherapy (hypnosis for positive change), I tell my clients to expect resistance, especially after a breakthrough or an "ah-ha" moment. When you walk through the door of opportunity, “resistance” walks through as well. Recognizing that resistance is a normal part of the journey to success, you can tell yourself each time you identify resistance, “This is simply "resistance" and it is normal, I can work through this.” If it helps, give "resistance" a funny name like Gertie. Then you can say, "Yes, Gertie is back but that's OK. That's normal."
The late great Milton Erickson, the most brilliant and flexible psychiatrist and hypnotherapist the world has known said 'Resistance is an energy, use it, don't fight it.' When he was 17, Erickson was growing up on a farm in Nevada. His father was struggling to push a young cow into a barn but the creature was reluctant to move - it was 'resistant'. Young Milton went up to his father and said 'I can get that cow into the barn.' His father, looking at the puny youngster, replied: 'How on earth do you think you are going to do that?' Erickson walked up to the cow, but instead of pushing, he took its tail and pulled. And so, the cow, in order to resist being pulled backwards, moved forward into the barn.
I love that story. And it so aptly illustrates how people respond to something they are resistant to in real life. Don't we often use "reverse psychology" to get a kid to do something different. Have you seen the movie Kramer vs. Kramer and the infamous "ice cream scene". The little boy is totally resisting his father while his parents are going through divorce proceedings. Obviously Dustin Hoffman's character didn't understand reverse psychology!
When we run into resistance, like the cow or the little boy, we become an unmovable force, even if it's against what is really good or beneficial for us.
Resistance only exists if you "push back". If you choose to see resistance as "energy" or as a "force", then its possible to recognize that forces can be steered or redirected. Just like the cow, Erickson uses the existing energy of the cow and redirected it rather than fight against it or avoid it.
So how do you redirect resistance? First, recognize it for what it is then take one step at a time forward.
Can you identify with one or more of the following: procrastinators, rebels or problem maker/solvers?
Procrastinators do other things to feel productive while avoiding the task that would be more beneficial.
Rebels manifest resistance through rebellion. Take for example the typical rebellion of some smokers. The cigarette may be their way of saying 'stuff you' to the world. Telling them that smoking is bad for them just gives the rebellious smoker another excuse to rebel.
Problem makers assert themselves by turning every little request into a problem. They might start by saying it's impossible, it can't be done. They think of every little thing that could go wrong. Is this a ritual for you but after spending much time and research you eventually solve the problem or comply with someone's request. How much time do we lose imagining bigger problems and looking for bigger solutions when we could "just do it".
We can probably relate to all three of the above characteristics at some time in our lives.
So, how can we work through resistance?
The basic steps to working through resistance are: 1) Be Aware, 2) Be a professional, 3) Prioritize, 4) Ignore distractions, 5) Set an appointment with yourself, 6) Know your motivation, 7) Just start it
Here are the basic steps in more detail
1. Be aware. Awareness is often half the battle.
We often don't realize that we are resistant. The problem is often that we don’t think about it. We often don't realize it’s there. We just think, “Oh, I better straighten out my desk … or get my to-do lists in order” or we get distracted by something on the web, or we feel that we have to check our email, or we’re just going to watch this one TV show, play one more game, or any of a limitless amount of distractions.
Overcome procrastination by realizing that you are really facing resistance. Once you become aware of it, "flow" through it. It might take a little practice to become more aware, but the key is to start identifying it. Every time you do something that isn’t the most important thing you could be doing right now, be aware of what you’re doing to avoid it. (I will talk about "importance" in a minute)
2. Become a pro. The professional, unlike the amateur, comes to work ready to work. Like the Nike athlete tell yourself, "just do it". A pro is doing it for a living (and loves what she does) and knows that as long as she shows up and starts working, the rest will come. Approach the work like a pro, and you’ll get it done.
3. Prioritize. If you don't know what is important to you, how do you know where to start. I like to ask myself each morning, "What action can I take today, to move me even closer to my goals" (or desires). Let's say if you are working on weight loss, ask yourself at breakfast " what can I eat this morning that will move me a little closer to my goal". This won't cause you to lose five pounds but it does move you closer. Its multiple little steps saying, "what can I do right now to move closer to my preferred future".
4. Clear away distractions. Don’t spend a lot of time on this, because eliminating distractions can be a distraction itself. Tee hee. Instead, take one minute. close your email program and IM program and turn off all notifications. Shut down the Internet if at all possible. Close all programs except the one you need to do the important task in front of you. Multi-tasking isn't really all its cracked up to be. Clear your desk quickly (stuff everything in a drawer or something — you can organize it later) and turn off the phones if possible. Put on headphones or alert your coworkers (or family, if you’re at home) that you’re not to be disturbed for the next hour (or however long you plan to work on this task). Then "just do it".
5. Set time and place. Make your first important task a daily appointment with yourself. This helped me a lot! Set these appointments in your calendar, the week before and put them in before other appointments. Some people set a start time, and possibly set an ending time — you’ll have to see what works for you, but the important thing is to schedule it. I tend to schedule a task for a certain day instead of a specific time. Then I focus on that priority for the day. If it doesn't work out for that day, (let's face it, emergencies can happen) then I reschedule as soon as possible. And when that time comes, you "just do it".
6. Know your motivation. Why are you doing this? Why is this task important? What is it working towards? How will it make a difference in your life. And how important is that end goal to you? Why is it important? You need to know these things to build up the motivation to overcome resistance.
7. Just start. Break it into smaller steps and just do them. In the end, all the tips in the world won’t make as much a difference as this simple (and timeless) instruction. Just sit down and start. Feel resistance to doing that? There’s no way to overcome it than to just start. Reading more about resistance won’t help. Going to an online Procrastinator’s Forum won’t help. Working on your to-do lists won’t help. Only doing actually helps. And the only way to do something is to just start.
If you find you have major resistance to doing something that is very important to you, consider the benefits of hypnotherapy.
Call me and I can help you work through it. Just do it.
