You are in Control
You are in control. Hard to believe right? But its true. To be in control, you need to identify and master what really is within your control. Do you muddle along or leave you life to chance? Or do you plan and take action. I have found this is an important activity for me to regularly review. It's not a one and done deal, but an ongoing effort to remind myself what I can do and what I want to do. It's the difference between a life well lived or becoming a victim of circumstances.
Know what you can really control:
You can't control others, only yourself! I imagine you have heard this before. Once you get this, you will be on your way to a better quality of life. I wish I had learned this early on in life, especially in the work place and personal relationships. I thought if I worked harder, and did good work or be good to others (things I did in school to succeed), I could make a difference. The problem was that I often ran into obstacles, like limited resources or people as roadblocks (people who had had different ideas and goals than mine). Our society is really struggling with this now. We want everyone else to be like us and many have resorted to hateful behavior to control this.
Really, all you can do is change your own reaction, response, and behavior, or change the people you choose to live or work with. I know its not easy. Its complicated but its the truth. Write in the comment section what you try to control that's not working for you.
Key question: What life do I want and why?
wikiHow has a great article called "Three Ways to Take Control of Your Life".
The three ways are: Change Your Thinking, Making Lifestyle Changes, Being Productive. Today I am going to focus on the first way to control your life; Change Your Thinking. (see resource list at the end of the article)
Change Your Thinking:
The big part of this is to know and accept yourself. Many of us don't like to reflect on ourselves; what we believe and what strengths as well as limitations or weaknesses we have. Nobody is perfect. Striving for perfection can be overwhelming or a complete roadblock to success. Instead we need to recognize that there is always room for improvement. Accepting ourselves with compassion is the key! Self-criticism, shame or guilt are not productive behaviors and keep us from our true potential. Instead, we need to forgive our past, live in the present moment, knowing what is our preferred future. Practicing self forgiveness, mindfulness (living in the moment), and planning (knowing where we want to go (our preferred future)) is the key to obtaining our preferred future.
Know your values:
All of us need an inner compass so that we know what's important to us, what our priorities are, and how we want to make decisions. Knowing what your personal values are helps you to stay focused and going in the direction you want your life to take. What are the most important beliefs in your life: happiness, equality, financial freedom, your family, freedom, your relationships? Identify your top ten and then identify character traits that can help you choose to act in support of these values.
Cultivate good character traits.
When you improve positive or preferred character traits and virtues, you will gain more control over your life. When you know what you value and you choose behavior that supports those values, then decision making and priorities become very clear
Know your "Why":
We need to truly understand what motivates us in order to succeed or move to our "preferred future". Ask yourself why something is important to you. Why is financial freedom important to you? Or Why is your spirituality, or family or equality important to you. Really dig in here because this is what drives your inner engine, you need to succeed. If financial freedom is a high priority, ask yourself Why. Its not about more money but what being out of debt means to you, or what having money does for you. For example: financial freedom possibly means: being debt free so I can support my children's future (college, etc.) or it means I am prepared for a good retirement.
Look at what inspires you, look at your skills and innate talents, look at what you believe in and what you love. Ask yourself what am I passionate about. Sometimes this is easy to identify and sometimes it can be elusive. For me, I loved art and making things, but had trouble identifying why I loved them. It took me awhile to figure out that I loved to create. Creating things was an innate drive and talent I had within me. Creating brought me closer to my Creator. It is almost like breathing for me. Once I identified that I could apply that "Why" to many things, not just my art, it opened the door to many other areas of creativity.
Take Action: Take time this month to explore what you like about yourself and what you want to change, what values and priorities you have, what characteristics do you want to develop to support your values, and identify your "inner why".
Next blog, I will explore goal setting, taking action, understanding and controlling your emotions and letting go of old baggage.
Need help? If any of this connects for you but you don't know where to start, consider finding a coach, finding a workshop on these topics, or considering hypnotherapy to overcome subconscious roadblocks. If you don't find help from me find help somewhere.
Resource:Excerpts are taken from the web resource wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Take-Control-of-Your-Life
